I have always been a sexual person. Even as a teenager I knew I was destined for a wild and passionate sex life. And I can say that in my lifetime I have had some of the best sex more than anyone else I know. I have had threesomes, foursomes, I have done it in public, in groups, one on one and almost any situation you can think of. There are some things that I haven’t done that I still fantasize about doing but now that I am married I just don’t see those things happening.
My husband is not sexually attracted to me in anyway. When we are lying in bed together naked and he is holding me his penis doesn’t even get erect and I know it isn’t a physical problem, it’s a mental problem. He just doesn’t have the desire to have sex with me anymore. He has said so many hurtful things to me about how he finds me unattractive and he is never shy about telling me how he finds other women attractive and how they turn him on and how he would like to sex them. In fact one time I asked him what turns him on about me and he just looked at me with a blank stare on his face. It has gotten to the point that I am relieved we don’t have sex anymore because no longer do I climax. I have never had a problem climaxing during sex and even now when I masturbate I climax and it is such sweet relief. But with my husband nothing, no reaction whatsoever and it makes me so sad. I wish I had a sexually fulfilling marriage. I never thought I would get married but I always hoped that if I did it would be to a man that was as passionate about sex as I am and that desired me. How did I end up here? How did I end up in this type of marriage? And what do I do about it now?
I am so lonely and sexually frustrated. I discussed having an open marriage with my husband. But he seems to think I wouldn’t be able to handle it. But it’s hard to be jealous when all the physical intimacy between us has diminished. It’s like we are just roommates. I now understand how couples stay married and sleep in separate bedrooms but that isn’t the type of marriage I want. I want passion and sex every day even on the days when I am dog tired. I want to feel comfortable enough to climb on top of my husband in the middle of the night if the mood strikes me. Now I am afraid to touch my husband for fear of the rejection I know that will surely come and I wouldn’t dare try to ride him, he would probably throw me off.
I think he is getting ready to cheat on me anyway. He has been talking a lot lately about this new girl he met at his job. He has started getting late night calls. I don’t check his phone or anything but I am not a dummy. I have been cheated on before and I know all the classic signs. I will admit apart of me wishes he would just find some desire for me and another part of me hopes that she makes him happy sexually and then I will be free to find me someone who will make me happy sexually. I am torn.
I am so horny tonight but no one whom to turn. It’s another lonely night for me. I just want to be with someone who desires me and just pushes me up against the wall or bends me over the couch and tells me how badly he wants to fuck me as he penetrates me with his big hard dick. What’s a lonely girl to do?