Tag Archive: self esteem


It’s getting worse now. It’s been five months since my husband and I have had sex. We barely touch each other and we may peck each other on the lips maybe once a week or so. But nothing more intimate than that.

Since my last post we have had a child, I know you are thinking how did she manage to do that. Is the baby his?
Yes, the baby is his and we managed it because he was drunk. Let me explain.

It was labor day weekend. We found ourselves unusually happy because things in our lives were looking up. So we invited some friends over for an impromptu party. My husband loves to entertain and entertaining makes him exceptionally happy. So we cooked out, played cards, danced, got drunk, and had a really nice time with our friends.

At the end of the night we were both inebriated and my husband found himself to be extremely horny. I think when he is drunk I look like a glass of ice cold water to a man stranded in the desert. So he jumped my bones. I mean he actually took the time to get me there.

He ate my pussy, something he rarely does and he sucked on my breast. He even fingered me and I love to be fingered. He didn’t kiss me though which was ok because truth be told I don’t really like the way he kisses and he won’t let me teach him how to kiss. But that is just a minor infraction. The show stopper was his big hard dick. It stayed hard through the entire interlude which lasted for at least two hours because he came twice and we took a lot of oral breaks. My husband loves to have his dick sucked. I mentioned in my post self preservation my husband is quite satisfied with having his dick sucked and no sex. I wouldn’t mind sucking his dick all the time but he doesn’t cum when I suck his dick. So after a while I get bored. There is no end to the act, it is just continual dick sucking all night long.  But I am digressing. So sometime during that wonderfully passion filled night of unabated sex I got pregnant.

Even though they say pregnant pussy is the best pussy, if I remember correctly my husband and I had sex only 3 or 4 times throughout the pregnancy. Which was actually ok with me because my sex drive was very low while I was pregnant. I was very surprised to find it so because I am such a sex kitten and I am always in the mood for some hot steamy sex.

Well it’s been over a year since my child was born and the sex has definitely become less and less frequent. I am finding that I won’t even try to make myself look attractive for him anymore. We don’t have date nights or do anything fun. He generally hides away in his computer room while me and our child do our own thing. I wonder if he has found some kind of fling on the Internet. I have heard stories of men being addicted to sex chat rooms and things of that nature. I remember early on in our marriage that was a real big problem for us, one that really never got addressed.

As with all my other post, I am lonely and VERY sexually frustrated but now I don’t even have the time to cheat. I don’t have a standby babysitter and my husband doesn’t think I should have any alone time. What am I to do?

I sucked his dick tonight until he came. I was glad when he finally came. I think I sucked his dick for about 30 minutes maybe more. Next time I will try to time myself. In the beginning I was somewhat turned on. He did do something different tonight that really surprised me. He rubbed my back and kissed me closed mouth on my lips, neck, and cheeks but just when I started to relax and enjoy the attention he stopped and turned over on his back signaling me to suck his dick. This is the same routine we go through every time we have sex. He lies on his back and grabs his dick signaling me to suck it. It never changes but hoping to get something out of it like dick penetration I sucked his dick; it’s something I have done a lot. Since the sex between us is so sparse I am willing to suffer through the dick sucking just for the hopes of feeling his dick inside my wet pussy.

I started zoning out while sucking his dick thinking about my Waffle House experience a few weeks ago in order to keep myself aroused. It is in these moments that I miss being single the most. I miss the thrill of the prowl, the excitement of a new partner, and new adventures at my choosing. The great thing about being single is if one bed partner isn’t working out you can always kick that partner to the curve and find another. In marriage it’s not so simple or easy to do. There are so many things to consider when contemplating divorce. I would rather my husband fulfill all of my sexual desires so I wouldn’t have to cheat and behave like the slut I have been behaving like lately but I can’t hide or stop my feelings, desires, and needs for constant sexual attention. Now I’m married  and stuck to the same hum drum routine each time we have sex which wouldn’t be so bad if that included my husband taking an interest in getting me aroused. But he doesn’t so I continue to create my own excitement and I feel very guilty in the process. Thinking of past encounters or current ones helps to ready me physically for penetration by making my pussy wet. My husband rarely prepares me and when he does it’s by spitting on his fingers and rubbing them on my pussy to make it wet.

But tonight once I realized he wanted me to suck his dick until he came I wouldn’t even let him touch my pussy. I felt like if he really wanted some pussy he wouldn’t just lie there on his back and allow or expect me to suck his dick for longer than 20 minutes or until he cums. At this point I became very upset and wanted to get the whole thing over as soon as possible. While I sucked his dick I just thought about all the errands I had to complete the next day until he finally came.

Minutes after he came he looks over at me and says what can he do to make me feel good. I mean really didn’t he already know the answer to this question? For real though, men can be such selfish bastards but if we behave like them we are holding out and giving him cause to cheat. I looked at him square in his eyes and said nothing and I meant it. I didn’t want a pity fuck. Besides I can take care of myself which I did.

Self preservation is what I am all about these days as it has become a necessity to my sanity.

It’s been two weeks since the laundromat incident and I still feel guilty but yet I can’t shake the need for more sex. My husband seems completely oblivious to my needs. Just the other night I tried to suck his dick. If you will recall earlier on I told you that my husband loves to have his dick sucked. It’s such a big dick when it’s at attention. It throbs and jumps up and down as soon as my lips touch the head. When I go to suck my husband’s dick he will always get into position so to speak. But the other night no such luck. His dick didn’t rise one little centimeter. What is up with that? I don’t know what to do. I have tried talking to him by asking him if he is stressed, or if he is no longer attracted to me. I am too afraid to ask him if he is cheating. I do not want to know the answer.

So here I am sitting at the edge of the bed at 11 o’clock at night and I am feeling extremely blue. When I am feeling sad like most people I tend to turn towards comfort food. Waffle House is right up the street and I think I will go up there to get a waffle; maybe the company of others will make me feel better. What to wear? I will put on my size 10 jeans since those are the only pair of pants I own that aren’t too big and this cute orange top that shows some cleavage will be comfortable. It’s so hot outside I should put on some shorts instead of jeans but I don’t own a pair of shorts; so jeans will have to do. I hope the cute cook is there. He is so handsome and his smile always makes me feel better. I’ve never admitted to being married although he has asked me on many occasions. He only works the third shift so I go up there when my husband is hanging out like he is doing tonight. I suppose there is the off-chance that one day my husband and I may go up there together while he is working but I don’t think he would give me away. But one can never be too careful I suppose. I don’t even know why I am thinking along these lines. This man and I have only seen one another a few times and have talked briefly while he fixes my food. We don’t even know each other’s names; nothing has happened so there is nothing to feel guilty about, right? If that is the case why do I feel a little tingle of guilt? Let me get out of here.

“Hey you, long time no see.” He’s here. Ok act calm don’t give yourself away. He doesn’t know that you were just at home thinking about him. He doesn’t know that you dressed in one of your cutest outfits to get his attention. This visit is just like any other. No reason to act differently. Breathe. Smile. Speak. “Hi, how are you?” “I’m good, thanks for asking. Do you want the usual today?” “Yes, that’s fine.” Why is he looking at me like that with that gorgeous smile on his face? Stay calm girlie. Stay calm. My palms are sweaty. I am so nervous. What is there to be nervous about? I am a married woman and we aren’t doing anything. I just came to get a meal at the Waffle House and he just happens to work here. Get it together. “You sure do look cute tonight. You just coming from the club or something?” “As a matter of fact I am. I went out with some friends tonight and you know how it is after you get a couple of drinks in you; you get the munchies.” He has a nice laugh. I don’t think I’ve heard him laugh before. “Your husband doesn’t mind you staying out this late? He doesn’t worry about you?” “This late? It’s only 12:30.” “Well, if you were my wife you wouldn’t need to go out at all.” “So what you are saying is that you don’t allow your wife to have friends and go out and socialize? And if she does she has to be back home before the street lights come on?” “You are such a comedian. No that isn’t what I am saying. So you are married?” “I have admitted to no such thing.” “Will you be eating here or taking this to go?” “You know what? I think I am gonna eat here today. I like the idea of you serving me.” Why is that waitress giving me the evil eye? Does she like him too? Are they fucking? They don’t seem to be fucking. I don’t get that vibe from them. I wish she would stop looking at me like that, mean mugging with her face all frowned up. Oh good another customer; now she can focus her energy on someone else but now I can’t flirt with the cook. Oooooh this food is so good. Just what I needed comfort food and some light flirtation. I just need to feel sexy sometimes and since my husband doesn’t fulfill that need I am finding it in other ways. I know it’s wrong but what else can I do? I have tried talking to my husband, earnestly. I have lost weight at his urging so I am finer now than I have ever been but still no change. No change in his sexual desire for me. What’s a girl to do? After eight years I am tired. I want some good dick. I want to feel sexy and appreciated.

Now I’m all done with my food but I am not ready to leave. How can I stall? It’s too hot for coffee with it being 98 degrees but what other excuse do I have to stay? “Did you enjoy your food?” “I certainly did, I love the way you cook my food. The other cooks never get it just right but you get it just right every time.” “Flattery is not going to get you a free meal.” “I am not looking for a free meal I am trying to pay you a compliment.” “Is this your full-time job?” “No. I do other things.” “Would you like for me to walk you out to your car? You know a beautiful young lady such as yourself can never be too careful.” Should I let him walk me out? My lips taste like syrup. I wonder if I tried to kiss him would he enjoy the taste of syrup on my lips. “Sure you can walk me out. That’s mighty chivalrous of you.”

“I am on break at the moment. Why don’t you park your car over there under those trees behind the dumpster, if you want that is. I would like to talk with you a little longer you know since you are single and all.” I should hurry up and drive off. I shouldn’t even consider saying  yes. I shouldn’t even consider staying with him in a parked car under the trees behind the dumpster with no light. What am I doing? What have I become? Isn’t this why you came to the Waffle House tonight; to see this man? What were you hoping for? Why hesitate now you little slut.

“Now that we are here what would you like to talk about?” “Let’s start with how your breast would look outside of your shirt and in my hands. You are so fucking sexy. You like my touch? Do you like the way my fingers graze the soft skin of your shoulders. You have nice shoulders. Do you workout? Mmm, you taste and smell nice. This is what you want isn’t it? Look me in my eyes and tell me this is what you want.” Are you really going to go through with this? Are you really going to cheat on your husband again and so close to home, again? You are a slut a dirty little whore. Why is your pussy wet; why is it throbbing? No! Don’t touch it. Don’t touch your pussy move your hand away. Stop moaning. Stop enjoying the sensations his tongue on your right nipple is causing you. Oh who the fuck am I kidding? I need this. I long for this. I lie in bed at night touching myself imaging this. Maybe not with this guy but the act itself is what I long for and if he willing to take me to another plane then I am willing to go. “I want this too.”

There goes my shirt over my head. There goes his shirt over his head. We are both naked now and panting like wild beasts. His nipples are hard and I return the favor by licking them slowly in circular motions. His moans are intoxicating. I feel like a teenager doing something naughty. I love the way his nails feel running up and down my back. His tongue is so wet, so hot on my skin. My nipples are hard like little pebbles from the attention they have been getting from his fingers. I love my nipples being pinched. Look at that hard dick. I know that’s at least seven inches. Not as big as my husband but big enough. It’s thick too. I love my dicks thick and long. My hand is tingling from the warmth coming off of his hard dick. I can feel it throbbing and pulsing in my hand. His fingers feel so good in my wet pussy. I can’t believe I am as wet as I am. I should feel ashamed but I don’t. Instead I feel alive. I can’t wait to feel his big dick inside my wet and throbbing pussy. “Put on the condom. I want to ride you.” One inch, two-inch, three-inch, and still there is more. Finally it’s all in and it feel so good. My pussy automatically tightened around this intrusion. Let me get comfortable. This damn parking brake is in the way, I need to let the seat back. Better. Up and down I go. Slow at first, his nipples are still hard. I enjoy licking them while I ride him. My pussy is so wet. The sound of the liquid from my pussy while my hips go up and down on his dick is turning me on. “Sit up bitch. Let me watch you ride this dick.” Beautiful brown eyes he has. There he goes pinching my nipples again. I am so fucking turned on. I am such a fucking slut. His dick is hitting bottom and it feels so good. That’s right baby grab my hips, put all this dick inside of me. “I can take it.” “Oh you can? Take it then,” he growled at me. I didn’t mean to say that out loud but oh I love the way he is ramming his dick inside of me. What is he doing? His finger is in my ass. How did it get in there? Oh who the fuck cares it feels so damn good. I am cumming again and he knows it. He has two fingers in my ass now and I am still cumming. His dick is harder now, thicker, longer. “Damn bitch you can take some dick.” Damn right I can take some dick. If only my husband had the same appreciation for my skills. But nope I can’t think about that now because he has three fingers in my ass and I am cumming, again. “Shit, it feels so good.”, I stammer breathlessly. “I’m cumming bitch.” Argh!

“Damn baby that was good. I hope to see you again, soon.”